being in the hospital the whole day makes me think.
all the what if questions starts to pop out of my brain box .
i might die anytime anywhere even while im walking or sleeping.
ive got too many things bottled up.
i need to tell them to those relevant people before i leave.
how much i appreciate their being there for me
their constant jokes to bring a smile on my face
their being tolerant towards my irritatingness
my stupidity
my naiveness
thanks but i cant do it bcos if i dun die till 50 more years den ill leave in embarassment. i dont want that to happen. so..

its scary the asthma comes and goes and she cannot control it. its all my fault. she got asthma giving birth to me. maybe i was so heavy dat she exerted too much den she had asthma. it has been almost 17 years already. when i was 15 , she bought for me a fruit cake even though she was sick. bought me 4 presents as always saying its from my siblings but its all her money. after that she had a major attack because of the cakes colourings..that she had to be intubated. imagine what she has gone through. everytime ill be very very sad thinking of how muuch she had suffer and still suffering. its damm painful and scary everytime you feel that you are losing ur life. when you though you have no hope at all..god . i am so sad that we humans suffer alot emotionally. sometimes i wonder is god playing with our lives? but..

i hope this bad pace just go of quickly please i need to overcome this emotional obstacle and my mum to be better.
i just cant concentrate wif all this thoughts in my mind...
i have to study
i got biology test. dammit
i cant watch high school musical
i just cant enjoy when my mum is in hospital
i cant bring myself to tell my sister. she will very helpless..
we will be able to overcome this sucky july august period..

while i was at the ambulance area, i saw ppl being pushed out of ambulance and rush to the er. all sorts of ppl. but the one wif full of blood covered on her face left the greatest impact. i was traumatised. everyday humans are created. everyday humans are destroyed too.
i live in world that is cruel.